It is highly likely that almost everyone has been bullied in some way at least once in their lives. Anyone who uses social media will have probably seen bullying of others, and/or have been on the receiving end themselves. For some of us, being the target of bullies is a recurring pattern in our lives and may even have started in early childhood in our homes and neighborhoods. We may have been terrorized by parents, family members, neighbors, teachers or peers at school—sometimes even by our “friends.” We may be bullied in houses of faith, spiritual groups, and community/ethnic affinity groups. As we move into stages of pursuing partner relationships, education, and employment, we can end up in very abusive and toxic situations. “Why am I being bullied?” is a question that swirls endlessly every time we find the same situation cropping up in different settings with different people.  We are good friends, loving partners, hard workers. We may be subjected to bullying simply by having physical appearance, differing abilities, or neurological attributes that are not like the bully, so we are punished for traits that are not inherently bad, and that we may not be able to, or even need to, change.

A person who has been subjected to repeated abuse and bullying over years or a lifetime, carries core wounds of which they may not be aware. Bullies are like sharks in the water, they circle around and move in whenever they smell blood. The targets of bullies who have these deep and repeated wounds likely do not realize that they are “bleeding out” the kind of energy that attracts the sharks, but it is obvious to the predator. Behaviors that targets engage in which tend to draw bullies are things such as apologizing too frequently, or when nothing wrong was done, being overly compliant or accommodating, verbally second guessing themselves to the bully, being afraid to speak up, being afraid to set boundaries, and being a doormat or dumping ground for the dysfunctions of those around them. The target believes that their behaviors indicate that they are good person, a team player, etc. The bully sees “easy prey.” Does this mean a target should stop being a good person, and stop being accommodating and peaceful when appropriate? No, what it does mean is that the target needs to realize that they have a wound that is being projected out to predators. Being bullied is not a target’s fault, but healing the wound requires a commitment to valuing oneself enough to set boundaries with others.

Bullying will greatly diminish or stop only when the target decides that it will.  This may mean having to take steps to sever relationships and situations that are toxic. It may mean finding new employment or self-employment. It can be scary. Bullies and abusers will gaslight a target, so that the target begins to gaslight themselves, and perceive the bully as the one with the power. At some point, self-preservation and the innate sense that all human beings have of their own intrinsic value will kick in. When it does, then the motivation to rise up and take power back from abusers gives a target the strength to overcome.

Start in small steps if you are in fear of the bully. The first step is to realize that you deserve better, and that you are determined to take your power back. Begin by drawing boundaries, saying no, and removing yourself from a conversation or room in order to diffuse the power of the bully in that moment. Start a job search if applicable. If you are in physical danger, remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible, and seek assistance from outside resources to exit the situation safely.

Today, say to yourself, “I am valuable, I deserve better!” Say it every time you are attacked. Say it when you are gaslighting yourself. Say it as many times as you need to until you start to believe it. You do not have to be a victim. You are a divinely created being, and you are InnerPowered!